Isn’t jealousy the ugliest of emotions? Of all the unhelpful emotions I live with on a daily basis, jealously is the one of which I am most ashamed.
I’m going to confront that monster. Why does he get so much of my time and energy?
He visits me far more often than he is welcome.
I find myself experiencing jealousy af the most ridiculous of things. In fact, my most common jealous moments are when I discover that someone else has something that I already have. Despite being very happily married, with a perfect daughter, engagements and pregnancy announcements shake me in the strangest of ways. Perhaps it all goes back to that awful attention seeking trait, I feel horribly jealous when others get it and I don’t. I suppose that’s the insecurity in me.
Of course I also get jealous of the standard things, her figure, their money, his car, her shoes, how much the grandparents love her, how much thought goes into their presents etc, constantly comparing what I have to others, and along with the green eyed monster, invariably comes anger. I deserve it, she/he/they don’t. Or, more commonly, it’s my fault, now I’m just angry with myself.
Through this blog I am really starting to understand myself more. And that helps me to not only question the unhelpful emotions, but to change them. So this week, I confront you monster, but I also embrace you. I admit my jealously and move on. I stop being ashamed of you, I stop pretending you are not there, allowing you to fester untouched in my mind. I say hello, question you, hug you and close the door behind you as you leave.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
One a separate note, day 6 of no.Facebook and I am ashamed to admit I’m counting the hours until I can log back on having completed a week of cold turkey. I’ll limit myself though, honestly.