My husband and I went out. It is certainly not the first time we have been away from our now 1 year old, (a year! Wow! That’s another post!) but it was actually only the third evening out together we had had since her birth. And it was the first time that we had been at a non family social event.
I felt lost. Having left our darling girl watching In The Night Garden with my sister’s boyfriend, with the promise that the wonderful Auntie H would soon appear, we found ourselves standing in a room surrounded by people. Some we knew, some we didn’t, some friends, some acquaintances and some strangers.
And I felt lost. The last 12 months has changed me beyond recognition. I am no longer XXX, teacher, wife, funny and quirky, I am now F’s Mum. Being without her in a social situation I found myself missing a limb. What was there for me to talk about? The answer: Not a lot.
I quickly turned into bore mode. I talked about labor, about motherhood and about my trusty companion breastfeeding.
And as I stood there, surrounded by people in beautiful dresses and high shoes, listening to music and laughter and nodding politely to conversations I wasn’t really listening to;
I couldn’t stop thinking about the Ninky Nonk.
Who had got onboard? Were they in their own carriages or had Upsy Daisy allowed Igglepiggle to join her? Where did they go? Did they wear their seatbelts?
This doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy my evening- but I did feel lacking in identity. Missing the thing that defines me.
My life has changed.
And I don’t mind.
In fact, I love it. I love who I am now, I love the person I have become.
Parenthood, it changes you.
And the Ninky Nonk is just one part of that.