My Mother’s Hands.

4am and I am downstairs with an overactive toddler on top of me. As I try to convince her to let me snooze on the sofa, she tries to convince me to read just one more book. As the hard and cold board book is shoved in my face I look down and see my mother’s hands as they delicately open the book and pull the toddler onto their lap.

My mother’s hands. These hands have given love beyond all measure.

They have wiped snot from sore noses. As the face attached to that nose squeals and twists away, making things harder and the quick job a long one.

They have tapped out a beat on the steering wheel as the voice has sung along to the radio. Driving the child wherever she needs to be this time.

They have rocked and stroked to sleep. The daughter who couldn’t settle without her mother there and then later, the grandchild who needed someone to soothe her while her mother had a moment’s rest.

They have patted the baby’s back. Mimicking the mother’s heartbeat in the womb they have continued to provide safety and security in the unpredictable and so much scarier “real” world.

They have held back hair. As the head leaned over the bucket or toilet the mother’s hands held back the hair and soothed the child. Sickness bugs received the same care and sympathy as the alcohol induced moments in the teenage years.

They have applied lipstick. On the wedding day, when hands were quivering and tears were rolling the mother’s hands calmly applied the pink gloss and sent the daughter to her happy ever after.

They have squeezed and stroked and held me with joy. They have clapped and covered gasping mouths. They have taken the grandchild into their arms as she entered their heart.

As I look down once again at these hands, my mother’s hands, I realise they are my hands.

The long fingers are paler than I remember, less plump and seem more aged. The palms are lined with tales of love and laughter and I am sure that a clairvoyant would see happiness in their future.

I am awash with a sense of both gratitude and pride.

My mother’s hands have held me up when all was falling around me, and I couldn’t be prouder that my hands are set to do the same for my daughter.

I’m back- and this time it’s personal.

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything’s OK. (According to Alanis Morisette that is). In my case happiness had a funny way of sneaking up on me when I felt I’d never see it again. In fact, I’ve been so busy just living, that I’ve been neglecting this blog and currently have no less than 10 posts that I have started and not finished.

Winter is well and truly here and I have promised myself time to write. I hope I hold myself to this promise.

The next few weeks should see posts about…
Friendship
Christmas
Breastfeeding (no surprises there)
My mum
Tongue tie
Money
The arts and education

Glad to be back. 🙂

Night time musings of the parent of a toddler…

It’s 3am and the toddler has been tossing and turning, feeding and cuddling, crying and snuggling for two hours already. The thoughts a parent experiences at this point as they try to get back to sleep;

Justin’s house, la la la la la la la, Justin’s house, la la la la la la, everybody’s welcome here in Justin’s house.

Who would win in a fight between the Octonauts and the Little Robots? I guess this depends on where the fight took place. Why would they be fighting anyway?

Ow, my arm, what do I do with them normally while I sleep? Surely they aren’t always this uncomfortable?!

I love you darling, but do you have to use my head as a pillow?

Justin’s house, Justin’s house. Arghhhhh I need to get that song out of my head.

What now? More milk? Really? I bet you need a new nappy, how long until Daddy wakes up and offers to change you?

Oh well, at least with being awake this much at night you are sure to have a lie in and I can get on with jobs before you wake.

If I go to sleep now I’d get a couple of hours before the alarm goes off.

Dusting for Justin, arghhhh that wasn’t what I meant. I didn’t want to replace one song with another!

Jobs for tomorrow, (well I guess technically it’s today), washing, washing up, sort through ironing, Toddler group, shopping, school work and planning…

You really do need a new nappy don’t you? But you are finally asleep and I don’t want to wake you.

You’re asleep! My turn, now why can’t I sleep?

Fingers tapping, Chuggington, chugger chugger chugger chugger Chuggington.

If I go to sleep now I’ll get an hour before the alarm goes off.

Yes! Daddy is up, nappy change for you, bad Mummy, I should have done that already.

If I go to sleep now I’ll get…

Beep beep beep