I pretend to be asleep so that my partner has to deal with the baby.
If I just close my eyes and slow down my breathing then maybe he’ll do his get up. If I turn the phone face down on the bed he won’t notice I’ve just been on texting and he’ll think I’m still asleep.
I pretend I didn’t notice the dirty nappy.
Because I did the last one. Yes, it stinks. It’s full to bursting and clearly needs changing. But I will ignore it until Daddy enters the room. When he comments on the nappy I shall look surprised and say “oh yes, I think you’re right.”
I want to wake my sleeping baby for a cuddle, or because I know breastfeeding will help me sleep.
I miss her. Even when she’s near me. It’s 2am and I’ve woken suddenly? Time to wake little one, I want a cuddle. It’s 2am and I can’t sleep? Time to wake little one. The breastfeeding hormones will send me back to sleep.
I hide in the toilet to play candy crush.
I just want a moment. Just a moment. I’ve been stuck on this stupid level for weeks and I just know I’ll beat it if I have a moment to myself.
I actually really enjoy Bing Bunny.
Flop is ace, Pando is annoying and Charlie is cute.
Mr Bloom is hot. Fact.
I won’t make inappropriate jokes about sowing seeds and getting dirty in the garden, but .. Yum.
I eat cake quickly so I don’t have to share it.
I eat it quickly and I eat too much of it.
I wee with the door open.
For several reasons. I do, of course, want to hear where the toddler is. But I’d also like her to start to understand toilets. I *may* have even weed in the potty before so as to demonstrate how it works. And if my partner walks upstairs? Well, he’s seen childbirth, there is nothing left now.
CBeebies is amazing childcare
Just to give me some time to sit. I won’t even pretend it’s so I can do with washing up. It’s not. It’s so I can sit.
Sometimes, just ever so rarely, I remember my life pre toddler and think how much easier things were back then.
Then I look at my daughter, and I remember, it was emptier then too.