What a year.
Last year I lost what would have been my second child. And now, I hold my third child in my arms at just a week old.
She’s here. My rainbow. Already brightening every single second of every day. Her big sister the sunshine and her lost sibling the storm that allowed the rainbow to shine. She is here. She is safe. Her existence helping to bring colour to the grey world. Her birth healing my perceived feelings of failure at her sister’s labor. Her willingness and ease at breastfeeding undoing the pain of her sister’s tongue tie.
Her big sister, so proud of her new sister, so loving and gentle, that every day I fall in love with her all over again. I watch the two of then hold hands as I tandem feed and my heart melts.
I am 8 days post partum and my hormones cause a river to run,to wash away the hurt, wash away the pain amd wash away the guilt. We are a family. Our lost child will never be forgotten. Our Peter Pan. The lost boy, the boy who never grew up. But he has allowed our rainbow, and for that we thank him. He has allowed life to be perfect again.