My thoughts on the quote “It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.”

I saw that quote on Facebook.

I have since learnt that it is a poem by David Jones, (read about it here and the way in which these wise words have spread)

And it hit me- that’s my problem. Every single thing I feel is felt to the maximum.

And it really is true. A blessing and a curse.

When I am truly happy then I am full. Overflowing and face aching. When asked to think of a happy occasion, I think of my wedding day. I think of how my face hurt from smiling, I remember my husbands vows and feeling as if there was noone else in the world as he looked into my eyes. I remember feeling love. Love more than I had ever experienced. And feeling safe, knowing that whatever life throws at me, with my husband by my side I will survive.

Every second of that day was felt deeply. And what a blessing that is.
In contrast, when I feel sad, I feel empty, sadness consumes me and I am unable to focus on anything other than the sadness I feel. The negativity overtakes me. It forbids me from seeing the light, and stops me from hearing advice and kind words.

When I find myself in a black hole, it is deep. A true curse.

These are the emotions I am blessed to feel deeply.

And the emotions that I am cursed to feel to the full.

I am saddened by the length of the lists.

This post was huge amounts of traffic. I assume that this is people looking for information about the quote and not about me. I find this slightly embarrassing as this is not one of my strongest posts! If this applies to you and you have read this far, can I please urge you to have a read of some of my better posts?! In my opinion the 2 best are
To my daughter before you were created.
Mythbusting, Why I told the Facebook world about my Post Natal Depression.


Today I felt a Rainbow

Ever get bored of the standard “Fine thanks” answer to the obligatory “How are you?”

I have already told you What I really mean when I tell you I am fine. I’ve decided it’s time for a new answer. One that gets across an honest answer, quickly, but does not drag the unsuspecting questioner into an awkward conversation.

I have started answering that question with colours.

Colours can mean a multitude of things to different people. Each colour invokes memories and images that in turn help you relive emotions. This is all personal. Here you will find my colours, and what they mean to me. I have deliberately left them as a series of words rather than a clear sentence as my use of colours to describe mood aims to negate the need for succinct sentences.

Beige, boring, time is running out, unnoticed, unloved, unloveable

Black, dark, alone, fear, safe from acknowledgement

White, blinding, dangerous, truth, clean, hospital

Orange, sun, sunset, warm, fire,

Yellow, danger, mocking, noticed too much, humiliated

Red, love, blood, lips, sex

Purple, loud, false, uncomfortable

Green, fields, ill, ignored, alone

Grey, death, power, stench, jealous

Pink, carefree, hopeful, young, fresh

Blue, disconnected, disjointed, forgotten, failing, failed, failure

Today I’ve felt a rainbow.